Consuelo Gonzalez: Articles & Resources

"Intentional Touch: A Gift From the Heart": Learn to touch your partner with heartfelt intention, opening a pathway for deeper communication and greater healing.

"Keeping a Healing Journal": Read ideas and suggestions for starting a healing journal – one specifically for recording physical, emotional, and spiritual experiences and insights on your healing path

"Starting Your Own Healing Support Group": If you've ever thought you'd like to be in a group but wondered how to make that happen, this article will help you feel confident about starting your own.

Intentional Touch: A Gift From the Heart
by Maria-Consuelo Gonzalez

One of the most healing ways we can connect with our partner is to exchange loving, intentional touch. What is intentional touch? Isn't all touch intentional, unless it's accidental? Perhaps. People touch each other for many different reasons. They touch to get their partner’s attention (a tap on the shoulder), to express affection (a hug), to soothe their aching muscles (a back rub), to exchange sexual energy (lovemaking). But rarely are people fully aware of what they are communicating through their touch.

As human beings, we're capable of quite refined communication on the emotional and energetic levels; this is even more true for couples. Intentional touch means being fully present with someone through your touch. When you touch your partner with loving, heartfelt intention, you immediately open a pathway of deep, subtle communication, allowing for a profound healing experience for both receiver and giver.

When we recognize that all touch communicates something, we become more aware of the thoughts and feelings that lie behind our touch. We may realize that our intentions are focused on creating a specific outcome: we want to make our partner relax, to make their headache go away, to get them to touch us, to "be a good partner," or to "be good at touching." Such intentions can be limiting, for they communicate expectations of what the other person should do, be, or feel. But there are other intentions we can choose that foster deeper intimacy and healing:

to communicate love
to communicate a sense of total safety and acceptance
to communicate your willingness to "just be" with them
to listen gently and intently through your hands
to open your heart to them
to communicate total forgiveness
to be a channel for the healing forces of the Universe (God) to flow through you and to go wherever they're needed most.
and most simply, to Be Love.

Intentional touch can be experienced as a kind of meditation. When you find an intention, hold it in your mind, and your heart. Let it flow through your body, down your arm, into your hand, and out to your partner through touch. The more simple and direct and heartfelt your intention, the more powerful it will be for both of you. Below you will find some tips to help you in your practice of intentional touch.

Try It Out:
I love this very basic exercise. One of you sit in a chair, and the other stand behind, ready to place your hands on your partners shoulders.

Person Giving Touch:
Take a deep breath and let it out, softening your body and connecting with your feet and the floor. Feel yourself supported by the earth as you focus on your intention and let it fill your awareness. Let it flow from your mind and heart into your arms and hands, then reach up and place your hands on your partners shoulders. Be conscious of your initial touch: it should be slow and gentle, coming from the quality of the intention you hold. Be aware of the weight and warmth of your hands. You may find yourself cycling through different intentions, as your meditation takes you on a little journey of your own. Try to remain focused on the event at hand: communicating your intention to your partner through touch. After a few minutes, one or the other of you will feel that the event has reached the end of its cycle, and that it's time to stop (or switch).

Person Receiving Touch:
As you sit in the chair, allow your body to soften and your breathing to become full and regular. Let yourself get as comfortable as possible. Open your own heart and mind to experiencing whatever you may feel, or to receiving help with whatever needs healing. Know that if you find yourself smiling or laughing, crying or moaning, or just sitting quietly and breathing, that "all is well."

Love Is Everything. Enjoy!

Keeping a Healing Journal
by Maria-Consuelo Gonzalez

I often recommend to my clients that they begin to keep a healing journal – a place to record the thoughts, feelings, experiences and processes that they encounter on their healing journey. As souls, we continue to grow and learn, and thus to "heal," for our entire lives. Even if there is nothing physically or emotionally "wrong" with us, we still encounter endless opportunities to refine our skills in self-awareness, open-heartedness and forgiveness. Keeping a healing journal serves as a record of where we have been, what we have learned, and how far we have come in our personal work. This can be a wonderful and enlightening companion and resource for us on our healing paths.

How is a healing journal different from a regular journal? Some people journal regularly, and are in the habit of recording their dreams, sketching out their creative ideas or kvetching about work or relationships. But the purpose of the healing journal is slightly different: to record information that seems to relate specifically to the healing path(s) that you are on right now. If you are working on an issue, whether it is physical, emotional, or spiritual, and have not been in the habit of journaling before, it may be helpful for you to start a healing journal. If you already journal, you may find yourself recording your healing events in your regular journal. However, the benefit of keeping a separate healing journal is that you can more easily review and track your changes or progress, and you will become more conscious of the events or inspirations in your life that have a "healing quality" for you.

What are examples of things that might go in a healing journal? Almost anything that inspires you, catches your heart or adds meaning to your current path is something you might want to record. The following examples are ideas to get you started – see if some of them resonate with you more strongly than others.

You can record your physical symptoms – write down how you are feeling in your body, and how that changes over time.
You can draw pictures of your body, your feelings or your energy – allow yourself to "speak symbolically" through drawings that are for your interpretation alone.
You can record highlights from sessions with healers or other health care practitioners that you consult, writing down the reasons for your visit, the helpful "aha!" moments that occur, or your feelings about the session as a whole.
You can record changes in your life as a result of healing sessions, things that may happen weeks or months after a session but seem related.
You can record dreams that seem to speak to the issues at hand, and your personal interpretations.
You can copy down quotes or passages from books that are inspiring or significant.
If you consult divination tools (such as Tarot, Angel, or Medicine cards) about your healing issues, you can use your healing journal to record the questions, answers, and your interpretations.
You can record meditations, shamanic journeys, or other internal "travels" that you take, and the images, animals, or inspirations that you find there.
You can write poetry or prose that expresses what you are experiencing, creating room for imaginative and image-rich solutions.

If you're starting a new healing journal, enjoy the process of finding one that looks and feels good to use, or that speaks to you in some way. Maybe you like writing in a college-ruled, spiral-bound notebook, or want a hard-bound book with blank pages. Maybe your journal is pocket-sized so you can carry it with you wherever you go, or maybe it is more like a scrapbook, big enough to allow you to cut and paste your writings and drawings. Consider personalizing it with color, words or pictures on the outside, so it is easily identifiable to you as your healing journal. May your journal serve you well on your healing path!

Enjoy.

Starting Your Own Healing Support Group
by Maria-Consuelo Gonzalez

Most of us recognize the potential benefits of being in a healing support group, but few of us realize how easy it is to start our own group. You need not have a specific illness or issue to constellate around - the desire to share with and give support to other like-minded people that you admire or respect is all you need. The guidelines below are intended to provide a place to start, and some ideas to help you move forward. Once you begin meeting with your group, you will quickly realize that the beauty, synchronicity, and healing that take place are invaluable.

How big should the group be? In order to be a group, you will need at least three members (yourself plus two others). In order for everyone to be heard in a reasonable amount of time, a maximum of six people is probably best. I think four (yourself plus three others) is a good size to start with.

How can I choose members for the group? Start by listing people you like and respect, that you admire for certain qualities they have, that you would like to get to know better, or that you feel an affinity with. They need not be your "best friends" - sometimes a group is more successful if there is not a lot of socializing outside of meetings. Some groups are all female, some all male, and some are mixed. Resist the temptation to have your partner in the same group, so that you can be "who you are in the group," and you can work on issues involving your partner without feeling inhibited. Try to avoid choosing people based on a shared "health problem" or "issue," as this could lead to what Caroline Myss calls "woundology" - the phenomenon of people clinging to their "illness" because it affirms their identity and sense of belonging in the group. Anyone could be a potential member of your healing group, because everyone has issues around health, healing, emotions or spirit that could be addressed.

What do we do, and how long will it take? A group should have a simple and straightforward structure to follow each time you meet. Structures that are based on a process rather than on increments of time tend to flow more organically and be more satisfying. One of my favorite group structures is "Talking Rock," in which one person speaks at a time, with the full attention of the group. As an example of a "talking rock" structure, imagine your group sitting around a table. A rock (or any pleasing and neutral object) sits in the center of the table. When you are moved to begin talking, reach and pick up the rock. When you are finished speaking, place the rock back in the center. Then each of the other people takes the rock in turn and speaks to you in response to what you have said. When that is done, the rock is placed back in the center, and your "turn" is over. Then the next person takes a turn. When each person has had a chance to speak and receive feedback from everyone, the meeting is done. If you follow the same structure at each meeting, you will begin to have a sense of how long the meetings last. To start with, you might plan your first meeting to allow 30 minutes per person.

What will we talk about? For your first couple of meetings, it might help to come prepared with a short list of things you want to share, such as how you’re feeling these days, what you’re "working on," some goals or visions you're moving towards, some things that are difficult or frightening for you, or what kind of support or comments you would like from the group. Remember that sharing your needs isn't necessarily about getting what you want, but about getting in touch with what you want. Maybe what you feel the need to talk about doesn't seem directly related to "healing" at all - finances, job search, relationships, exciting change. But the act of sharing your true feelings, and being heard with respect, can be very healing. Take your time thinking and feeling. Give yourself permission to experience any emotions that come up. No one will interrupt you. When you feel finished, replace the rock.

How can we listen to and support each other? When you're in the non-verbal listening role, you can give vital support in many ways. The most important is to give the speaker your undivided attention: look at them with your compassionate eye, think about what they are saying, observe how they are feeling, and take note of your own thoughts and feelings in response to what they're saying. Relax your need to respond or comment. Cultivate patience and spaciousness. Sometimes the most valuable aspect of a healing group is the permission the speaker feels to just be heard. When it's your turn to respond, try to remain focused on the stories and needs of the other person. Sometimes all you will say is a few words of support or encouragement, or maybe you'll share the feelings you're experiencing in response to what they have said.

Additional Tips:

No one speaks except the person holding the rock (or other object). This doesn't mean you can't laugh, smile, nod or shake your head in response to what someone is saying - indeed, these non-verbal support techniques can be just the encouragement a speaker needs.

Have something you'd like to say before picking up the rock (or other object). While every sharing is ultimately an improvisation, have an urge to speak before picking up the rock. That way you won’t be "hogging" it while trying to think of what to say, and someone else may take a turn.

At the end of your first meeting, take time to discuss logistics for your group. Decide where and when and how often to meet. You might decide to set up one meeting at a time or to book several months in advance, to change location or stay in the same space. It is helpful if the person organizing the meeting can propose a potential time structure when initially contacting the members: "I'm organizing a healing support group to meet once a month for six months, and I'd love to invite you to be a part of it."

Good groups are "organically grown." Trust that your group will change organically, according to your needs. The frequency and duration of meetings, the membership and the structure may all fluctuate and become more refined over time. Allow yourself to be curious and flexible, while staying in touch with what makes the group valuable to you.

Enjoy!

FLOWER